Many of us struggle with difficult conversations but, unfortunately, they are also unavoidable.

You may feel anxious or unsettled before you hold them and even while you hold them. Equally you may dwell on the fact the conversation might be unsettling for the other person too. 

Especially if they are coming to the conversation with powerful emotions and/or what you say will create a powerful emotional response. 

Take a moment

So first take a moment to notice whether you have already labelled the conversation you are preparing for as ‘difficult’. 

Instead, take the decision to change the word ‘difficult’ to ‘courageous’.  

Now vision if you can, where you are going to have the meeting and what you can do to ensure the best environment to allow you both to focus, listen and have no interruptions. 

Consider if you will be sitting or standing during the conversation and think about the body posture you want to hold and the pace you intend to speak. 

Your heart rate is very likely to increase before and during this conversation. Remember this is normal, it happens to all humans and the easy way to let our brain know we’re ‘ok’ is to simply breathe a little slower and purposefully, filling your diaphragm with oxygen and allowing you to manage any increase in your heart rate.

Preparing yourself to hold courageous conversations will also make a difference. By making notes and planning not only what you need to cover but also how you will deliver it, can positively impact the conversation. 

Plan your communication style to be assertive but not dominant. 

Our top tips for staying in control during these tricky situations

• Slow down and don’t be afraid of silence and pauses
• Use your breath to help focus your mind on one point, steady yourself and maintain your best calm and capable self
• Acknowledge the perspective of the person you are speaking with.  To understand doesn’t mean you have to agree but it will enhance your ability to hear them and for them to feel heard
• Maintain natural eye contact when you are speaking to them and they are speaking to you
• Paraphrase what you have understood the other person to have said.  This shows you’ve heard and can create useful pauses in the exchange
• Ask questions